In an Instant
by Arianna of the Sea
Summary: It's amazing how quickly life can change. Sometimes all you can do is pick up the pieces and move on.  Warning, mentions major character death.


**I don't normally write stories in first person, so this ficlet was a bit of an experiment. It's my first Psych piece and I got the idea after rewatching the episode Shawn gets the Yips. I hope it's not too OOC, but it also takes place after a very traumatic event. Any feedback, constructive criticism, ect. is much appreciated. **

**-Ari-**

Blue eyes bored into me. The question had been so simple, why couldn't I answer it? Well the question may have been simple, but the answer would change everything. Maybe it was almost a blessing that she couldn't remember the details from that fateful afternoon. Me, however, well those images would be burned into my memory. One on of the down sides to my skill, I couldn't forget the details. I talked with my Mom a couple times about what happened; put it away from the forefront of my mind. Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing we can so about it. I've come to terns with that. I just don't like it when it happens to people I love. Her gaze flickered for a moment towards the floor and she smoothed out the edges of her hospital gown. I really wish Gus could have been here with me. But his full time job threatened to fire him after all the time he took off after… well he was now putting in some overtime.

"Shawn?" She questioned looking back up at me. Her hair was starting to grow back nice and thick. She almost looked like a little pixie with her short, wispy hair. It was actually a good look for her although I wouldn't admit it; I missed her long golden tresses. Short hair just didn't seem to suit her, it looked good, but it I didn't like it. "Shawn?" She asked again her voice rising in irritation. "Please, tell me what happened. Everyone's been blowing me off since I woke up and Carlton's not even tried to come and visit. In fact, now that I think of it, you and Gus have been the only people who have come to visit." I flinch.

"Jules," I started and then poured my self a glass of water. She had been unconscious for nearly a month. She survived the bullet by mere millimeters. It grazed the left side of her head and was knock out immediately, the bullet caused some intracranial bleeding and swelling. After they brought her in, we all nearly lost her in surgery. But Jules is strong and doctors were now optimistic for her full recovery. The physical and speech therapy was just taking longer than expect. At least her full speech was back. After she woke up, she could hardly string two words together. Now she was nearly back to normal self, and curious as ever. "It not that simple. I've told you what happened a couple times now." I think we're on round number three, and it never got any easier. Each time I told her was a total meltdown. She would be nearly inconsolable for hours, settling into a lingering depression, and then she would forget a couple days later. And once again I would find myself in this situation.

"Shawn, I had brain damage. My short term memory was affected. I think you can cut me a little slack on this. I just wish for once you could be totally honest with me." I sighed and sat down, she looked worried. "Is it really that bad?" I ran a hand through my hair and wondered about the response I was about to get. She was cognitive enough to remember it this time, I hope.

"You know I don't want to hurt you right. I'm going to tell you the truth." I had to prepare myself for her reaction, it never got any easier.

"Right."

"Several weeks ago, we were all going out to lunch to celebrate McNab finally passing the detective's exam. Do you remember that at all?" She shook her head.

"I can't remember anything surrounding the accident."

"It wasn't really an accident Jules, you were shot. We were all coming out of the station when a gunman, with a grudge against you and Lassiter, opened fire. The bullet grazed you skull first and knock you out. Then before anyone could move… he shot Lassiter. It was, believe it or not, McNab who got his whit's about him first and took the shooter out." I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I left out the details I told her the first couple times, but I could still see the whole scene playing out in my head. Tears were silently falling down her cheeks as she tried to comprehend what I'd just told her. She was taking it better than I expected. I think apart of her remembered me telling her this story before. Last time Gus was here, so it was easier, after leaving the hospital we went out for smoothies. Gus didn't discuss it; he still had a scar on his arm from the broken glass. He just changed the subject and we went on our way.

"Carlton?" I heard her sniff out. I just looked up and shook my head.

"I'm sorry Jules." Her mouth opened and closed a couple time but no sound came out. She took a deep breath and turned away from me.

"I… how did I survive and he didn't? It just seems so wrong."

"Well you almost died. I... well, you flinched back and that's how the bullet missed you. I wasn't paying attention and tripped over the floor mat, you turned to ask me if I was alright and then you jerked back and fell." I still could see the whole scene. I had cracked a really bad joke and my foot caught under the mat. McNab was one step behind me and Gus bent down to give me a hand, then I heard a loud popping noise and the door shattered. Juliet crumpled like a sack of bricks and all I could see was blood pouring from her scalp. I remember Lassiter, who was holding the door for Juliet, just went down. I couldn't even remember hearing the shot. It was McNab who focused himself through the chaos; he quickly spotted the sniper and fired twice. It seemed like an eternity before everyone else in the station came running out.

"How..?"

"He was shot in the chest and bled out before the paramedics arrived."

The bullet went right trough his aorta, he never stood a chance. McNab had placed pressure on the wound, but all I heard was a guttural 'O'Hara," as Lassiter strained to get to Juliet. She was alive; I could feel her pulse strong under my fingers. I turned back to Lassiter and nodded. 'She's alive,' I told him. Then I heard his breath hitch as every muscle in his face went slack. McNab was shouting something but I never heard it. I knew in that instance, Carlton Lassiter was no longer with us. It was that look that hunted my dreams for weeks after. The absolute stomach dropping moment when his head turned and his eyes closed. I didn't cry at first, it was almost surreal. It wasn't until Juliet's first meltdown, after she first woke up from the medical coma, when she asked where her partner was. I couldn't help break down. He may not have been my closest friend, but damn it was weird not having him around. Albeit begrudgingly, and I probably wouldn't repeat this to anyone, but I greatly respected the man. He really was good at his job; I just always managed, by the skin of my teeth at times, to stay one step a head of him. Oh, all right, I'll openly admit it; I really did respect Carlton Lassiter. He did help save me when I was kidnapped. Wow, I really do miss having Lassie around.

His funeral service was actually very well attended. His brother even managed to show up after years of absence. His sister Lauren gave a very beautiful eulogy about how much she loved her big brother. Even though he was gone, she knew she could still look up to him. Gus spent quite a bit of time comforting her afterward. They've been seeing each other since. I'm okay with it, they are good together.

Juliet buried her head in my chest and I held her. I almost didn't want to let go. If I did, I could lose her too. She continued to cry silently, and just rubbed her back and kissed her head. While I had a chance to try and move on, she was just started to grasp reality again. It's amazing how quickly life can change.

It was several months, nearly a year to be honest, before the cadence around the Santa Barbara Police Department started to return to normal. After Jules had been released from the hospital, and after taking some time to visit Lassiter's grave site, she returned back to Miami for a month. She took that time to reexamine her life, but ultimately decided to return back. A decision I was very grateful for, I hated living in Florida. We moved in together almost immediately. It was another several months before Chief Vick, who took some time off herself after the shooting, was able to find Jules a partner she could work with. At first no one could live up to the legend that became Carlton Lassiter, the youngest person to ever become head detective. But finally Juliet settled on a capable replacement.

That leaves me here, sitting at a small café, waiting for Jules and her partner to join Gus and I for lunch.

"Sorry I'm late," she said. I stood up, gave her a quick kiss, and pulled out her chair.

"No worries, Gus's in the bathroom," I replied. She smiled briefly before settling into her chair and perusing the menu.

"Buzz is parking the car."

"I still can't get over the fact that Buzz McNab is your partner. I still have trouble seeing him out of uniform. The suite make's him look like a penguin."

"To be honest, neither can I, but he's doing a great job. I thought what happened last year would have scared him a little, but really it raised his confidence. The Chief said he could hold his own under pressure, and was quite impressed. Although he's lost some of his naivety, he still remains optimistic. I actually look forward to working with him. It's not the same…" she paused for a moment as a frown twitched on her face. "It's not the same, but things are going fine. I still miss Carlton, everyday, but it's getting better. I'm fine really." Her hair had grown much longer and any of the scars on her head were cover up by her thick hair. She looked so beautiful. I knew she'd be alright… eventually. Like the scars on her head, the ones less visible were slowly fading as well. They'll always be there, serving as a reminder of past events and losses. But I think Lassiter would be proud to see his partner standing on her own two feet again, picking up right where he left off, making criminal's lives hell. Lassie, if you're listening, I promise to take care of her. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Gus and McNab were both sitting at the table. I couldn't wait any longer now was as good of a time as any. I bent down on one knee. "Jules, it's been a long year, but if the events of this past year have told me anything, it's that I cannot imagine my life without you. Will you marry me?"


End file.
